I’m not ashamed to admit that I have absolutely no modesty when it comes to this creation. After all, it’s not only the flavour, but the appearance which makes it such a winning thing.
I’ve heard some great reviews out there about gluten free bagels from the people who know what they are talking about. I’m always a little disheartened by the images though. Sure, they may taste like a bagel, & have the general shape of a bagel, but somehow the final result always looks unkempt & there’s a note from the author about how tricky the dough is to work with.
With what I’ve done here, not only does it have the soft, chewy texture that a bagel should, but it actually LOOKS just like a proper sesame seed bagel. & to add to my boasting, I can say that the dough was a charm to work with.
Unfortunately, you’re going to hate me with what I’ll say next, & for that I apologise… I’m not sharing the recipe. At least not yet. It’s such a winner that I want to save it for a surprise in the cook book I plan to publish.
Please, try not to loathe me too much. I assure you it will be well worth the wait.
It’s one of those lazy Sunday afternoons spent lying on the couch. The kind where I sleepily rolled out of bed in the morning & wandered down to the park to enjoy a coffee in the sunshine. Also the kind where I baked an over indulgent chocolate cake & sat with the tin in one hand & a spoon in the other… yes, I may have eaten the whole thing.
It’s the kind of Sunday where I’m partly curious how much sugar & butter may be floating around my blood stream, & the other half of me is accepting the feeling of fullness in my belly with a sly smile on my face.
It’s just one of those lazy Sundays.
There may have also been a fresh banana & some strawberries cut up on top of the cake as an afterthought… the perfect touch to that rich, moist, bitter chocolate sponge. An added compliment to the vanilla cream & milky chocolate ganache.
Do I regret it? Of course not. It was good for my soul.
So, whilst I sit here like the fat cat who devoured the canary, I scroll through my pinterest, my Facebook, & all associated social media I may subscribe to & I just happened to come across this video. A neat little trick on separating egg yolks. Thought I might share it & maybe recant my story about the mishap during my baking…
Last night, whilst I was putting together the sponge batter for the chocolate cake, I decided to be somewhat lazy & just crack my eggs straight into the bowl of my already running stand mixer…. Being the butter fingers that I am of course, I managed to drop the first egg, shell included, straight into the bowl & watched as it was smashed to smithereens & dispersed amongst the cocoa & butter. Horrified, I attempted to salvage what little shell I could before eventually waving the white flag. It did cross my mind to start from scratch, but then again, I’d just used the last of the butter & my good Valrhona cocoa.
“Well shit (pardon my language). F*** it, I’m the only one eating it…..” & with a shrug of my shoulders I continued, hoping that the motion of my balloon whisk on high speed would eventually pulverise it into oblivion & I could just learn to appreciate the extra calcium.
On occasion durring consumption, there was an added *crunch* to my mouthful… but I wasn’t trying to win any awards.
Lesson learned. First crack eggs, then add to batter.
Any way, enjoy the video. Maybe incorporate it into your baking routine. Or just snicker at my story. Either way, I hope your sunday is as lazy as mine xxx
Do you remember what you said to me on our last day together? You told me that by the weekend, you’d be eating that banoffee pie that I had stashed away in the freezer for you. It was supposed to be your reward for losing the last of the weight you’d put on during your last trip to Athens. I knew it would work too since it was always your favourite.
It all seems so silly now.
The banoffee pie is gone. I think the movers threw it away when they were packing up the kitchen & transferring our life as we knew it into boxes…
I sat, watching them as they picked up the pieces that you left behind. Not that it matters really… our home could never be ours again as long as you aren’t there to share it with. Just a painful reminder of the beautiful life that we shared.
I haven’t baked in your absence. Actually, I haven’t even picked up a knife. It just hasn’t felt right. At least, not until now. The urge is coming back & I can’t get the thought of banoffee pie off of my brain. I think it would be good for me to make one again… not that I need it to remember how you would commandeer the whole pie & sneak off to a corner of the kitchen with the pie plate in front of you & a spoon in your hand.
I loved you for that. You always made sure I knew when you thought what I’d made was incredible. You gave me the confidence to try harder & get better.
I wont write a new recipe for the banoffee pie, you loved the original one so much you used to beg me not to change it. I will share the old one again though… I’ll share it with the hopes that anyone who misses you as I do will make one for you.
It’s been a month since you slipped away in the night & vanished from my life for good. Can you believe it… because I can’t. I keep hoping that the days will get easier with the passing of time, but without you, my love, every moment is agonising. You’ve left this empty space where my heart should be & I’m beginning to fear that nothing in this world will ever fill that gap. People keep assuring me that “time heals all wounds” & that “life goes on”… I wish they would shut up. I can hear you in my head saying “Baby, don’t be so strict with people” & encouraging me to find a softer approach. The truth is I wouldn’t know where to start. You always showed me how to be kinder & more forgiving… a little less socially awkward too. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m having to learn how to breath all over again & sometimes that just feels so pointless.
I’m back in Boulder again. I really wish you would have just come here with me last year like you promised. At least last year I had hope that I would eventually win this battle & bring you to this beautiful place. Maybe even get you to finally meet my sisters. I find myself often wishing that I would have pushed you more… we both know that wouldn’t have worked though. Anyone who knew you would know that the more you were pushed, the less likely you were to ever do it. Still… I look up at the skies & I find myself begging to some unknown deity to bring you back to me. WHen I actually force myself to remember that I will never again be able to touch you, kiss you, or tell you that I love you, I’m overwhelmed with this crippling pain.
I’m still mad at you, you know. I know it does me no good to hold on to anger, & ultimately nothing in this world will bring you back…. but I am angry. I think about all the conversations we had about this very thing happening, & all the times I made you promise to be careful or begged you not to go at all. I think that’s why I’m angry, because you knew better. You knew the risks & you took them any way. You swore you never could nor would leave me, & yet here I am, having to learn how to live my life without you. I don’t know how to do this. It feels like I’m having to learn how to put one foot in front of the other again, & all I’m doing is clumsily tripping over my own feet & falling on my face. I don’t know which part of me still exists if it’s without you. You are my soulmate, dammit. I knew it from the second I laid eyes on you again… the only thing I wanted was you. Don’t worry… I may be mad, but none of that clouds the fact of how much I love you. Nor does it take away from how thankful I am for the time we spent together. We had four incredible years together my love, but more than that, I was lucky enough to have known you my whole life. Your time with us was too short, but I will be eternally grateful for every moment we got to share.
Want to hear something funny? I never told you this before because you’re supposed to keep wishes secret… Remember when I became obsessed with folding origami cranes? Well, I had heard once that there was this Japanese legend where by anyone who folded 1,000 cranes was granted one wish. Do you know what I wished for when I got to 1,000? I wished for us to spend the rest of our lives together. I suppose in a way it came true… you spent the rest of yours with me. You’re probably laughing at me right now & muttering about what an idiot I am, the same way you always did when you thought I was being ridiculous but incredibly adorable at the same time. Yes, I know you found my oddities endearing… you thought you kept these things secret from me, but your smile always gave them away. I miss your smile. Your smell. Waking up next to you in the morning. I long for you….
Every day I have a moment where I look forward to seeing you so I can tell you about what happened to me… & then I remember. You are my best friend, my love. I don’t know where you are, or if you can hear me when I talk to you… but no matter what, I need you to know how much I love you. How much I have always loved you, & will forever love you still. I need you to know that you’re the reason I made sense. I am lost without you.
I will always love you my darling. Always & forever. I miss you….